Written

We allow so many things to happen to ourselves when we know it is not right, because we think we deserve it. We believe in it so much that it becomes engrained in us, and we do them to others. We try to run from it that it becomes a part of our shadow, instead of turning it inside out and letting it be a testimony for how things can be made different. Usually, that is how it goes with a few things in life. Domestic violence, molestation, drug addiction, alcohol abuse... things we see or experience from the moment we're born -sometimes even before we're born. We know this should not happen, yet it affects more people day by day. We identify it, understand the reasons things exist, however continue to do things which damage ourselves mentally or physically, or are unable to stop ourselves without the help of some greater force than our mind can conceive -positive or negative. It doesn't change that something in us that makes us stop what has happened to us from happening to others. not saying it is our own hands, but could be by the hands of others.

There is NO ONE who is perfect, yet we continue to judge and criticize what we see as flaws in other people. We spend so much time jumping to conclusions about others, being angry at the world for one reason or another, instead of facing what /really/ is impacting our lives: Ourselves. We get so wrapped up in reliving the bad times that we forget about the good things that are happening. However it's also possible to be so wrapped up in a world made of paper flowers to stop the bad things from happening to someone else. Shame of event happening, fear of judgement from peers, rejection from loved ones... so many things can be the reason for this. So people continue on because if it happened, it must be how it usual is. It becomes socially Expected that a partner in a relationship is beating on the love of their life with words or with fists; it becomes Expected that about 1 in 7 people have been sexually abused as a child, Expected that the majority of the people we know are slaves to the debuts they collect, Expected that someone in the family battles an addiction to food, smoking, alcohol, or any other drug addiction.... When someone tries to help us, we run away, don't wanna hear it, don't want to talk it out, turn the finger around and point it at the person helping... I know I'VE done it. I may not agree with what other people have to say, but I still appreciate those who genuinely try to help without hatred or judgement. Those who do not try to force anything down my throat, or assume I am me due to XYZ happening in my life.

“Even if we don't have the power to choose where we come from, we can still choose where we go from there.”

However there aren't many people who are genuine to strangers in the world any more. Or heck, maybe they are and I have my own defenses up to take it as something else. I've gotten better, but I'm a work in progress.

What stops us from aiming high is that we believe we don't deserve it. That no one else around me has it, so how could I possibly aspire to achieve it? To be that? I want to stand up for myself, but I've never seen anyone else do so for themselves. I've never seen someone make changes, so how could I?

Do you /have/ to see it in order to make it be? Do you have to see someone, hear someone, do or say something, in order for it to happen? And once you see or hear of something, must it always happen? Make your world as you want it.

...and yet I'm here. Writing things when I do not yet have the ability to speak them coherently. If it wasn't for the fact that I write this for myself to look back on and learn from, I would say I'm a hypocrite in that aspect. Not something to be proud of, and likely pointing out my own flaws to rid the satisfaction anyone else might have at calling it out first. But I am glad I am becoming aware of my faults and trying to find out a way to make it better. For right now I will be as I remain. Commenting on my thoughts caused by words that belong to no single individual. I am not the hero of your story. I have no intention of ever being so. For an opportunity to get a handful of my thoughts written somewhere is a part of my legacy.

At the end of all this, I just want you to know that you can choose who you are today. Who you were yesterday does not dictate who you are tomorrow. Know that no one can be a better you than yourself. Relish that fact that You Are Amazing. Strive to rise above your strife in life.
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Written 1/23/12