Full Circle - Crazy 8

 

Finished watching Kipo and the Age of the Wonderbeast a couple nights ago. Hard to imagine it came out six years ago. Six years ago... I do not know when exactly I first watched the show. If it was before I finally broke, or after when I was healing. Watching it again... It was good. Finding more fans though.... I'll have to embark on that journey.

"Kipos story... the Human Mute Alliance.... Mutes are people with mental disorders and disabilities.... anyone who is 'different.' I'd love to know who is in the HMUFA IRL."

I say that, at the end of my long "journal entry" below. It's how I feel. I want to find all the Kipo stuff. It's wild how much more I resonate with it now...

But watching Kipo again near the end of this portion of my life is not the only closing of this figure 8. It's because I finally feel better for working on Level 3 of my passion project. 80% at least, just need to format it into the website. It will officially become mine. Three is good. Put a mirror in front of it and you have eternity. 

I feel good. I'm going to focus on exploring me and my interests. This will be a good time.

Below is part of what I wrote. It's just something. Something for now. 

Me Roasted

There was a prompt on Facebook I saw and I got mighty curious. Thus, I figured I'd ask Chat GPT "Roast me, hold nothing back!" My trusty tool did just that. I believe my use of it is just right: great for bouncing ideas off, but not taking everything it says as biblical truth. 

This roast however? Well... plenty flavorful.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Alright—you asked for it. I’ll keep it honest, a little spicy, but still respectful. No cheap shots, just truth with a smirk.

---

You are the CEO of Potential™, operating a company that has:

• 17 brilliant initiatives

• 0 consistent scheduling

• and a habit of launching new departments at 3:47am

You don’t procrastinate.
You strategically delay responsibility until it becomes cinematic.

---

You’ll be like:

“I need to pack, shower, plan, rest—”

and then suddenly:

• reorganize your entire room

• emotionally process 8 years of life

• design a community healing initiative

• move money like a financially responsible adult

…but packing?
Absolutely not. That’s where we draw the line.

---

You treat time like it’s a suggestion.

“I’ll just do a little RP…”

6 hours later:

• 3 character arcs progressed

• 1 existential breakthrough

• 0 real-world tasks completed

---

You don’t avoid things because you’re lazy.
You avoid them because your brain is like:

“If it’s not meaningful, transformative, or emotionally significant… why are we even here?”

Meanwhile:

• dishes sitting in water aging like fine wine

• life logistics quietly screaming in the corner

---

And your relationship pattern?

You:

• find emotionally complex men

• understand them deeply

• give them space

• then get surprised when they… stay complicated

Like ma’am, you didn’t find a project.
You found a limited-time side quest with no reward loot.

---

Also—your “hoe era”?

You don’t even want to sleep with most of these people.
You just want:

• connection

• excitement

• to feel chosen

• and maybe a theoretical dramatic experience

You’re like:

“I want chaos!”

And then immediately:

“Actually… I’d rather journal, go to nature, and protect my peace.”

Pick a lane. Preferably the peaceful one—you thrive there.

---

And spiritually?

You:

• trust God

• surrender control

• feel guided

…but also:

• try to micromanage the entire storyline like you’re co-writing reality

God is like:

“I got you.”

And you’re like:

“Right, but what if I just… optimize the plan real quick?”

---

And the biggest one:

You keep saying:

“I just want to be me”

But then:

• overanalyze yourself

• question your instincts

• try to “fix” your nature

When your actual issue isn’t being too much…

It’s that you don’t trust your rhythm long enough to see what it builds.

---

🔥 Final hit (with love)

You’re not chaotic.

You’re:

• powerful

• perceptive

• creative as hell

…but undisciplined in a way that steals from your own potential

Not because you can’t do better—

👉 but because you haven’t decided to be consistent yet.

---

🫶 Real talk ending

If you ever actually combine:

• your vision

• your heart

• and even moderate consistency

You will be dangerously effective.

---

And honestly?

You’re already starting to.

That’s the part you don’t give yourself enough credit for.

Project Hail Mary

So, I wrote that post yesterday before knowing what movie I would take my mom to see on the 31st. I figured Project Hail Mary would be good because we like sci fi movies. I didn't expect the main characters name to be Grace. The fact that he was in space.... yeah. Certainly solidified the idea in my mind.

It's easily my most favorite movie, right next to Disney's Treasure Planet. I love movies about self discovery. This film was about communication, connection, coming together... and what humanity means. Perhaps it's not just a human trait to be kind and helpful... maybe it is. Humans have become the apex being because we learned to work together and have empathy... right? Something to look into. REGARDLESS.... he and an "alien" found connection. They found communion, meaning, and friendship. 

I mean, that's my personal perspective. Others can perceive different things. Either way, I really loved it. I'm looking forward to watch it again and again. I hope people can watch it more, and start thinking how we could truly give Grace and Space to ourselves and others.  

What I'd love to see? More people watching the movie, or reading the book. Even if not, just making areas where Grace and Space can be granted for others. Even if we don't know how to fix our problems, we could gather and be ready to find solutions. Or at least nurture peace.

Grace and Space

I was not expecting to have access to this blog... yet here I am. My wildest dream was just a click away. I could go on, but perhaps another time. This space lives... I received that message from my younger self. It's the right time.

Everything I ever needed....

Grace and Space

I will exude it

Time and time again.

Thank you.

May We Connect?

Past, future and present?

Me, Myself, and I?

Yes.

A song for my love

I couldn't find a song that explains how I feel, so I made one. This was inspired by, and is just for you. Keep it up, Darling.

-------------------------------------------------

You got a mean well smile,
Your heart on your sleeve.
So many dreams to chase It's overwhelming!
For some that's true, but not you.
If everyone looked on
they'd see a lie.
A predisposed composure for all eyes.
Could someone on Earth feel what's real?

There are doubts, attacks, remembrance
of all the darkest times. Paid recompense falls underway to pain...
Hear me say

Keep It Up, Keep It Up, Darling!
See the light, shining bright - Reach for it!
Don't you let me down. Don't you dare let go.
Keep it Up, Keep It Up, Darling!
Be the light through the night helping guide others
As you chase your dreams.... for me.

 You got a carefree laugh that helps testify
That you will find the joy all through this life
-Even though you may fall.
What you share you give whole-heartedly.
With every note you move to your own beat.
It's something that time can't define!

Still yet time is just a borrowed toy.
With every game we play seems to make joy just fade away to gray...
-Find new paint.

Keep It Up, Keep It Up Darling!
You are the shining knight by my side.
Don't you dare loose now! We will win somehow.
Keep It Up! Keep It Up Darling.
You will fall. In the end you will be standing
Tall enough for all to see.

There are days it's hard to admire how brightly you can shine.
There is pain from knowing that that light sometimes will fade.
There are days when fear seems to be the only thing inside.
In there end there's only one thing that remains the same.

(hear me say)

Keep It Up, Keep It Up Darling!
You are the shining knight by my side.
You will win somehow. Don't you dare loose now!
Keep It Up! Keep It Up Darling.
You will fall. In the end you will be standing
Tall enough for all to see.

Keep It Up, Keep It Up, Darling!
See the light, shining bright - Reach for it!
Don't you let me down. Don't you dare let go.
Keep it Up, Keep It Up, Darling!
Be the light through the night helping guide others
As you chase your dreams.... Fly Free!

A Note to the Ladies, 4/11/13

I will never be a better you.

You will never be a better me.

I will never be you, nor you me.

So let's live on and be happy.

The True Meaning for Words, 4/10/13

Once upon a time, I wrote my thoughts down regarding words. Somehow, it had problems posting and got deleted. It was all for a reason I thought, so I left it as is. Sometimes little tidbits of information you keep to yourself in order to grasp it fully, or for your own nourishment. Ultimately it helps better us (or is intended to). I realize I'm the type of person that likes to let things sink in over time, that likes to nurture a sentiment to it's developed before sharing it with others, then make proper adjustments of it.

Words are in the power of the beholder. Be it ultimately right or wrong, right now it is what builds us up or breaks us down. They're stones. Words are stones. Stones can be used to build a house, be altered to make a useful tool, sharpened for weapons of defense, or hurt like a mo-fo. It doesn't 100% matter if a person throws stones in order to provide a useful source of material or intentionally used to hurt. I mean, yes it does so you know how to interact with the person, but once they give up their words - their stones, their resources - it is up to you to decide how it should be used.

This reminds me of why I went back to church in the first place. This reminds me of why I was open to so many philosophies and in hearing different religions. This is why I have been so open, neutral, and focused on feeling things out. For power. All for power to fortify myself so I can make a difference in this world. More importantly, the next. Whatever you may call "next." Now... things are different. There is a conscious change I am making... an acceleration I'm creating. I am more mindful of the stones written or given to me. More analytical,  more cautious. I will pick through them slowly. Not use as many as I did before, but still keep a storage of them for myself. The main reason? I'm entering a time where the foundation for the future is being built. Where I can actually see things happening that take "growing up in life" to a new level. I do not go half hearted on this matter. I'm not just building a future for myself anymore.

I can't ask for forgiveness for something I haven't committed, however it's a good way point to mark where I'm coming from if i seem defiant  hardheaded, or overtly concerned and questioning Everything. I am not doing so to try and unfurl a said faith. I am not trying to find the holes in a philosophy. I am asking the questions that come to my head and heart so that I can have enough ammunition to down my own defenses. The best way to describe how I view my inner workings is much like a city:  It takes many days to build, mere moments to destroy, and even longer to clear the debris, and more time to make the land fertile enough to grow on, and sturdy enough to build on again.

What frustrates me is

perhaps I'm just used to running before I  can walk. I'm fearful of loosing this unadulterated sense of peace. Like jumping into a pool before you know how to swim, or running off into a forest with no marked paths. I love getting lost in memories, sinking in emotion, engrossing myself in a problem to be solved...

...However I no longer have the time to spend trying to find my way back, trying solve a complex problem on my own, wishing, praying, hoping for instinct to kick in so that i don't actually drown. I am deciding this. Because there will be a time where someone who depends on me is going to have questions, doubts, and insecurities. I do not want to be a bystander, though I can not always make him or her follow me. I will always lead by example, but  I guess I can work on being easier to follow.

Once I learn new things, once I have these weapons.... once I understand the truth and feel a new burden.... I will not be the same. or will I? Maybe it's just how I view The Word. It is written, I believe it's power, but there is more to it. How can words measure ALL of His omnipotence. Every ounce of His essence? How do you describe such capabilities and powers never seen or experienced before? Yes, believe as if you have seen, but How do you prepare yourself for actually experiencing an event? It will never be enough. It will never be enough Just to go on just words. You can not travel in this world by just reading about new places. However, you can not get the most of those places without reading up on it.

Study, Read, Live... it's a progression I'm willing to follow.